deeper discussion about one of the principle differences between Judaism and
Christianity. In essence it is the difference between a values system based on
struggle and a values system based on perfection.The reason
there are no perfect people in the Torah is that we don’t believe in perfect
people and we do not respect perfection. Do you know what the perfect person
lacks that the imperfect person has? An imperfect person fights to do what is
right. He struggles with his conscience. When you fight for something, you
demonstrate its worth.Look at the
contrast with every other belief system. Christianity is predicated on perfection,
on the idea that Jesus was tempted but never fell. The same is true for Muslims
and Mohammed. In Buddhism, the Buddha is perfect. In Hindu, Krishna is perfect.
Even in the pantheon of great American heroes, our founding fathers were once
portrayed as saints. I remember being taught as a young boy that George
Washington never told a lie and that Abraham Lincoln walked miles to return a
single penny. Both these stories were pure invention, but the idea was: How
could you respect the founder of your nation if he was flawed?Here in
America we live under the tyranny of perfection. We are constantly being sold
glossy images of people with perfect bodies, perfect résumés, and perfect
lifestyles. Convincing people of their inadequacy in relation to these paragons
of physical, intellectual, moral, and aesthetic perfection has always been a
good racket, but never more so than today.It even
seeps into our religious debates. The insinuation that Jesus was lonely and
required the love of a woman, as Dan Brown suggested in The Da Vinci
Code, deeply offended many of our Christian brothers and
sisters. When I debated Cardinal Theodore McCarrick of Washington,
D.C., about the subsequent movie, he said that the film’s protestors should
remain calm but he could understand why people were upset. I said I understood
how the departure from New Testament orthodoxy was provocative, but why was it
deemed so hurtful? Dan Brown and the moviemakers didn’t say
anything bad about Jesus—they said only that he got married! So what? If he
were a young Jewish man growing up in the Galilee region in ancient Israel, not
only would he have been expected to marry but it would have been sinful
for him not to.Why were
Christians offended at the thought that Jesus married? Because the idea
suggests he felt something was missing in his life. In short, he wasn’t
perfect. As a perfect being, he required the love and validation of no one. You
and I? We get cold and need comfort and want to be held. We feel dispirited,
and we need someone to inspire us.I am always
impressed at the deep spirituality of my Christian brothers. I am a rabbi with
a deep love and awe for the incredible commitment to goodness and faith that is
so characteristic of my Christian colleagues. But ultimately Christianity loses
me when it dismisses the humanity of Jesus in favor of his divinity. Jesus is
so much more interesting when we read of his struggles in the New Testament to
fulfill the will of G-d, like when he says, while dying on the cross, “My G-d,
my G-d, why have you forsaken me?” And I am always puzzled why my Christian
brothers and sisters seem disheartened to discover Jesus’s vulnerabilities.Personally,
I have no patience for perfect people. I find them boring, predictable, and
judgmental. It is human beings whose goodness is real, yet purchased amid
Herculean effort and struggle, whom I find so endlessly fascinating.Judaism
doesn’t value perfection. I believe that perfect people are sweet and nice but
I have no relationship with them, nor would I seek one. If they’re perfect,
they don’t need me. It has been estimated that in many marriages, the
criticism-to-compliment ratio is three to one. The argument troubled couples
make is always essentially, “but my spouse is so imperfect!” I counsel them to
remember that if their spouse were perfect, he or she would never have married
in the first place. So why not be thankful for our loved ones’ imperfections
(as long as they take responsibility for their actions and apologize sincerely
when they’ve done wrong)?I am not a
Christian not because I was born Jewish, because if Christianity were true I
would be obligated to convert. Rather, perfection has no appeal for me. Perfect
people do the right thing every single time. How could they understand someone
like me, for whom every day is a struggle?Being with
perfect people is like watching a movie when you already know the ending. You
can’t thrill to perfect people’s victories because they don’t involve real
courage. Real courage means to be victorious over fear. If you were never
afraid, were your actions courageous? No.People used
to think Martin Luther King Jr. was a saint. He started the civil rights
movement when he was only twenty-four years old. He was killed before his
fortieth birthday. Of course, one thought, saint that King was, he was able to
lead those marches in Birmingham and in Selma and inspire a whole generation.
No wonder he was so incredibly eloquent and courageous. He was perfect. But
then we discovered that in fact he was deeply human and did things that
betrayed big character flaws. Suddenly we saw him differently. In fact, his
true greatness was thereby manifest: He was flawed and frail and still he
accomplished so much. You mean he was scared in front of those
attack dogs and Bull Connor? He had to struggle to do those things? My G-d,
that truly is a great man.To me, that
is so much more inspiring. King wrestled with his conscience. Now he
speaks to me, because I’m just like him. He was not an angel, not a saint, just
a person who struggled to live righteously and courageously. And in so doing he
changed America, dealt a fatal blow to racial injustice, and restored the
country to its founding creed of all men being created equally by G-d. And he
did all this not intuitively or instinctively, but amid great effort and
struggle. It was never easy. But if he could do it and he was human like me,
then I have no excuse not to try to rise to similar acts of courage.The truly
righteous man is not he who never sins but rather he who, amid a predilection
to narcissism and selfishness, battles his nature to live a virtuous life. The
truly great man is not he who slays dragons, but he who battles his inner
demons, who struggles with himself to improve and ennoble his character.The truth is
that perfection fosters dependency. It is an engine that actually retards human
progress, because it continually tosses humans back on a sense of their own
inadequacy. Rather than lift them up, it keeps them down. That’s why kings used
to claim they were perfect beings, kissed by G-d and standing high above their
lowly subjects—because if you can convince people that they’ll never be as good
as you, they won’t even try. They will worship you and hate themselves. Those for
whom life has been so sweet and smooth, those who refuse to struggle, will
never know the true taste of courage. They will never develop the ability to
overcome obstacles to do what is right. They will never firmly establish that
their convictions are not just feelings. Struggle is where the infinite value of
goodness is established.The Zohar
says that every single time you choose to subdue and subjugate evil, G-d’s
glory rises higher and higher. Every time you exert the effort to choose
righteousness over selfishness, you are showing that righteousness is precious
to you, that G-d is a living presence, and that you are prepared to fight. Even
when it’s inconvenient. Even when it entails sacrifice. Struggle is what
establishes the infinite preciousness of righteousness.Israel literally
means “he who wrestles with G-d.” It was the name given to Jacob, who wrestled
with a brother who sought to kill him and a father-in-law who sought to enslave
him. Most of all, he wrestled with an angel. Israel is he who wrestles with the
G-dly portion of his existence.Most of what
we cherish in life involves a struggle. I was a child of divorce, so I was
extremely excited to be married. I anticipated perfection. Shortly after our
wedding in Australia, I went out, a newly married man, to buy a camera. And in
the camera store I couldn’t help but notice that the woman behind the counter
was pretty. I was mortified. This is ridiculous! I
thought. What kind of husband am I? I came home and confessed
to my wife that I had noticed that another woman was attractive. She laughed at
my naïveté. But it still bothered me, so I thought deeply into this. Why did
G-d make love so imperfect? How do we even notice the opposite sex when we are
in love with our spouse? Why is it that even in the best marriages we still
recognize that other people are special?Now I
understand why G-d made love imperfect. Relationships are special when you
choose each other anew every single day. Some think marriage is when you choose
your spouse under the chuppah—the canopy used in Jewish weddings—and you’re
done. Married! You never make that choice again, and your choice becomes a
thing of the past. The marriage becomes stale and ossified, and the commitment
is never renewed. But because we all struggle to keep the passion and intimacy
in our marriages alive, because we struggle to compliment and love each other,
because we wrestle with our nature to always focus on each other, love each
other, and put each other first, we choose each other over and over again, and
that’s why love is imperfect. The man who chooses his bride and never has to
choose her again is one who takes her for granted, who doesn’t seek to bring
novelty to his relationship, who allows it to stagnate. But if you forever
renew your commitment and investment, your goodness and your relationship never
go stale.
—————–
Rabbi Shmuley Boteach, a renowned TV and Radio host, is the international
best-selling author of 23 books. He is about to publish Renewal: Living the
Values-Filled Life (Basic Books). He is the founder of This World: The Values
Network. www.shmuley.com
































